2008 — 13 January: Sunday
It's now 02:25 and some sleep beckons really soon, I suspect. I caught up on a whole heap of podcasts last night, and also idly half-watched1 bits of the episode of Family Guy that took on the plot of Back to the Future, bits of Pop Britannia and bits of the re-showing of Star Gate. I guess, in "Larry Sanders" terms, I've now become a flipper. Earlier, I surprised myself (truly) by shedding a few tears while watching the "Classic albums" documentary on Pink Floyd's Dark side of the moon — this was, of course, the first Floyd album I ever played to Christa in early 1974 (and in the Old Windsor vicarage) — it's a surprisingly emotional album when you analyse it. Memories, heh?
Traditions die hard
For several years now I've been in the habit of printing out a set of "family" instructions for using the A/V system. I then "hang" the printout near the kit in the living room. I've just reworked the instructions to reflect the removal of several lumps of hardware and the consequently simpler operation. It's only just sinking in that the only person I'm now doing these instructions for is me, and I already have a more-than-intimate knowledge of the system and all its interconnections. Christa, bless her, remained supremely indifferent to such matters as an inappropriate aspect ratio though she could see it seemed to matter to me! <Sigh>
Similarly, I went through a phase (quite an expensive phase, come to that) of using programmable remote controls of increasing complexity while trying to make the system as simple to use2 as I could. This, too, is no longer "necessary" as I have no real problem in dealing with the eleven separate remotes! <Sigh, again>
Shoot the rich... department
Thank you, NPR. I am having second thoughts about my new policy of immersing myself in podcasts of current affairs, mostly because of the effect I presume it's having on my blood pressure! From an interview by Terry Gross with David Cay Johnston talking about his new book "Free Lunch":
"From 2003 to 2005 just the increase in the income of the top 1% of the USA population was greater than the total income of the bottom 20% of that population."
Again, to remind yourself of what God thinks about money, consider the people She gives it (nearly all) to! Oh well, time (10:42) for brekkie I suppose.
Pause for Sunday thought... department
I am still finding weekends somehow "harder" to cope with than weekdays in my new, highly undesirable, state as a widower. I haven't worked out quite why this is, yet. Watching the DVD of Christa's funeral service yesterday certainly made me think a little. As I said in a recent note to a fellow "new" widower: Being here and alone and retired in the wake of Christa's death has been made more bearable by getting out and about with the driving, and the walking, in addition to picking up the mundane domestic business of keeping fed, laundered, what have you... Bereavement puts things into a different perspective. I certainly find that a lot of what I accepted and took for granted now strikes me as unutterably trivial. News,3 for example! I always derived pleasure from simply pottering about, and pursuing a variety of hobbies and interests. Most of these are still there in the background just waiting for me to resume some form of "normality"... I don't regret taking early retirement for a minute; I just wish Christa was still here enjoying it with me, dammit!...
The "books" etc on grief and grieving all seem to hedge their bets on the theme of keeping busy versus allowing time to grieve. I don't think I have any intellectual difficulty "understanding" what's happened. It's the emotional / feeling side that keeps side-swiping me. But somewhat less often as time trundles along.
As my good buddy Judy said: I'm glad to read about your very positive attitude to facing life without Christa. Your mother's blighted existence must always stand there as a warning of how life can be wasted and that is certainly not what Christa would want for you... Many people would not have such happy memories of a wonderful love and companionship such as that that you and Christa shared. I find that I often think of her and it is always of her wonderful smile and laugh. Of course I didn't have to see all her pain and suffering as you did but I hope that in time you too will only have the best memories of someone who was so special.
Me too, Judy! And you're dead right about her smile and laugh. They were indeed wonderful, and frequent. I miss them more than anything, I think.
Enough introspection, David. Off to the shops with you! Just try to resist buying the Leopard Mac OSX upgrade and the cut-down version of FileMaker Pro specifically written for it — promise? OK, we'll see.
What's that you're hiding behind your back?
What, this? Nothing! Really! Just a magazine, honestly. This month's dose of PC techno-porn (aka PCPlus). Actually, I'm secretly quite pleased. I was browsing it in WH Smug (as one does) when a stocky young chap (built like a trucker4) who turned out to be a trucker(!) shyly asked my advice about Linux. (He had been hovering, and doubtless saw I was skimming5 the article on building a Linux home media server with my lips barely moving.) I suspect I look a lot less grumpy when absorbed in something I find interesting. Anyway, chalk up one more Ubuntu convert, I think.
And, on a related conversion theme, I have spent years (in the pasta!) just knowing I don't like spaghetti6 and meatballs, even when the label is typeset using one of my preferred fonts (American typewriter). This afternoon (having returned from Southampton) as I browsed the shelves of Waitrose for loads of healthy fruit and a tiny smidgen of the dreaded veg, I suddenly realised a) it was around 15:15 and b) I hadn't actually eaten anything for lunch at that point:
Speedy (5 minutes in the microwave), delicious, and a staggering proportion of my daily calorific needs, if I read the small print on the back correctly:
I don't recall seeing the inventor of ready meals in the Honours List — how can that be?